no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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