I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize