I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
they need to just BURY HIM!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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