It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
