I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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