how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
