yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
love makes seman taste better
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
