There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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