she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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