i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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