i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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