in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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