I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
