Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize