i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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