the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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