it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
