Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
