Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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