Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
this is an emotional support booty call
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