You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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