So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
