He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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