good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
