Your face is a jimmy john
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
