The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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