is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
