would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
