The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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