I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The power of my boobs compel you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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