I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
