Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize