They should really pass out barf bags in church
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
