i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
