i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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