Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
