I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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