Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize