I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
