I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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