You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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