if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
