meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
