your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
