Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
