i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
