I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize