how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
