ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
