I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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