youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
