so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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