Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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