well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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