I'm eating all of the evidence.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
