God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
