All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
