Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
