Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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