party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
