R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
