I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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