Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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