Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
