And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
