I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
