Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
